2000-12-25

8:07 pm

i'll have a gin and tonic, please

I should start this by saying Merry Xmas and shit but I don't feel very Merry and technically my Xmas day is over. I came home with a coffee maker. Thats it. As nice as that is, I had hoped to come home with at least some leftovers to feed my broke ass... but I was wrong.

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Last night, I found myself getting unbelievably depressed after reading old entries. I teared up, sitting all alone, feeling like a jackass for showing real emotion for the first time in months... I talked with 'SaltyEx' for a while on the computer and learned that he, too, has jumped on the diaryland bandwagon. I will not link him unless he asks me to because I'd hate to put him on the spot but now I'm going to have to fight off the urge to read what he's doing... because I just don't want to know. (at least thats what I keep telling myself) He told me he missed me and things of that nature but my bitterness has not gone away completely so I couldn't respond. He said "I miss you..." and I said "so how come you're home on Xmas eve?" avoiding the statement as if it had never been made. i guess pretending he didn't say it is the next best thing to not hearing it at all... even if it IS nice to hear it. He confessed that he reads this, which made me consider editing what I write on here but then I realized that despite who reads this, I'm writing for me... and if he's on my mind, I'll write about it. no holds barred.

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In other news, Dave will be here in 3 days. I'm excited but I have some cleaning to do... major cleaning.

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for those of you who care, I start my new job on January 2nd. Feel free to wish me luck in my guestbook (and I'll be sure to respond)

"lushing with the hallway congregation, my best judgement signed its resignation"

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