2000-12-04

10:14 am

lengthwise

with miles to go before i sleep...

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Its official that my new favorite diary is this one. He has this amazing way of making me feel not so alone... perhaps. so, thank you, stranger.

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I went to see KindOfLikeSpitting play last night for a crowd of less than 20 people. It was a sad turnout but nonetheless, an intimate show... For those who have not seen him perform, he makes you feel as if every song is being sung to you, every word was written about you, every feeling is shared with you... and we all need that kind of attention. we all need to feel that- if only for a 45 minute set.

I left feeling inspired by something that I'm not quite sure really happened but, dream or not, I'm taking advantage of it. I have put down my pen for far too long and I think its time to pick it back up and try putting it to some use.. cross your fingers and close your eyes. i could use the prayers right now.

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Three hours of sleep and a hangover that feels almost like I'm still intoxicated, I'm back in the office. I'm working and wondering what excuse I can use to go home and climb back into my bed, back under my covers. Hiding from the world for just a few more hours would be a dream come true right now... no sleep, just to lay there alone would make me content. I don't do that much these days

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My confession(s):

-I'm 20 years old, living alone for the 3rd time in my life, and hating it. When my ex moved out, I swore that I would end my "roommate" days but alas, I find myself wishing for someone to watch movies with when I come home at night and have coffee with before work in the morning.

I'm 20 years old, living alone for the 3rd time in my life, and I sleep on my couch. When he stopped sleeping next to me, I swore that I would move myself to the center of the bed, no longer having to take one side but alas, I find myself sleeping on my couch more frequent than before to fill that void I'd have next to me in a big bed.

I'm afraid to be alone. I'm afraid to grow old alone. Most people have it bad but its terminal with me.. forehead kisses and hand holding are something I don't need right now but I wonder if I'll find it later. Post-teenage angst is something to throw to the dogs.

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"When you're there, I sleep lengthwise... and when you're gone, I sleep diagonal in my bed..."

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