2001-05-16

1:51 a.m.

vacation of the mind

Ok so it seems that someone was using my computer this last Saturday and when they thought they were updating their diary, they were actually updating mine (i hate when it stays logged in)... for anyone who read the entry entitled "shot up shot down" please understand that it was not me... especially the parts about being in love with a girl (so evidentally, one of the boys at my house this weekend is not only in love with a girl, but felt the need to express it unknowingly in my diary)

*

as for me, things are crazy. I have started a new job and even though I've only been there less than 2 weeks, it is apparent that the job they hired me for is degrading compared to what i am qualified for. So, in less than 2 weeks, I have managed to get two, YES TWO, promotions! takin' names and kickin' ass... thats me.

*

Things might actually get better financially for me. My parents have decided that no matter what, they will do what they can to help me... even if it means paying off my debts for me in hopes that I can pay them back slowly each month.

*

as for the love situation, its a bit complicated lately. For quite a while now, I have been spending time with the same few kids. Every night, like clockwork, we meet at a bar, hang out, drink, have some great laughs, and then we all go our seperate ways. Although lately, the same two men have been present in my life. Both are amazing human beings who never cease to make me laugh and one of which never ceases to amaze me in his level of loyalty to our friendship. These are the two that are supposed to move in to my house at the end of the month. The problem is that the other one (the not-so-close friend) has held a different type of relationship with me. He and I have shared the type that is a little more "affectionate". My real problem is that through all this, I've denied having any type of emotional attachment to him... that is, until tonight. I sat at a bar with all my friends while he sat with another female ALL NIGHT. I found myself not quite jealous but well... slightly jealous. I guess I can't sugarcoat that. I suddenly felt weird being there and seeing that... because deep down, I can't hold that type of relationship with someone without feeling that emotion in the pit of my stomach when he's near me.

*

I need a damn vacation... or someone to set my mind in vacation mode. Any volunteers?

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